wednesday woes

mood :: thoughtful

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colour :: grey

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smell :: coffee

to be drunk in a bit...

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seeing :: the wind playing with bare branches

of trees in the garden

~ where is spring?!

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hearing :: nothing

but the whirring of my laptop

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wishing :: that the sun would come out

& a whirlwind romance...

{surely not much to ask for...}

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book :: lotr - the fellowship of the ring

yep, still not much farther in

the hobbits are now in the Prancing Pony...

yeay...

loving it though!

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film :: anna karenina

wonderful film to see in the cinema

a rare treat...

especially as both Aaron Johnson 

and Matthew Macfadyen

were in it...

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tv :: champion's league football

for some weird reason, watching football on telly

is for me much the same as eating chocolate, 

or having a warm blanket on a cold day...

it reminds me of happy times, 

easier times, 

even though the whole thing is preverted 

by {hideous amounts of} money

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website :: today is going to be awesome

probably talked about this one already

lovely pictures

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quote:

letters

original challenge from this site

a month later than the original, but then: i didn't know about it until last week...

i'm going to give it a go...

sending stuff over the post - snail-mail - every day for a month...

just for the bloody hell of it...

and because i like the logo...

anybody that wants a card or letter or whatever: leave your address with me via email {address somewhere in the top right column, underneath Bilbo Baggins...}

butterflies and horses...

how can you make your thinking free,

if you're so busy protecting your convictions?

today's thought on the buddhist calendar in our toilet room, which hits the nail right on the head...

we spend hours of our day defending convictions, things that we 'know', things that we learn, things that we're told are good things to think, and even though they very often don't help us {actually hinder us...}, we would rather keep thinking those things, hang on to them, with a passion that comes close to frantic, than free ourselves of 'm... 

open our thoughts, make space for new thoughts, and let them float in and out, like butterflies... 

live lightly, easily...

but as i saw this weekend, it's way more scary to let go of old {ill-making, depressing} convictions, than it is to let them go, to see what happens... 

someone that i know and love very much would rather stick {clamp themselves} to ways of thinking that are destructive,  feel sorry for themselves and hope for help than to claim their own happiness, to surrender themselves to the weird, crazy, random Thing that life is... and feel Happy...

and it is scary... 

i know - i've been there... 

it's scary as hell...

but i came to a point where i thought that the alternative - illness, depression, loneliness, death - was way more scary than the Letting Go-option... 

so i jumped in...

and i never want to go back again... 

i really, really hope that things will change, that the Great Unknown appears less scary than The Reality of Carrying On Regardless... 

but the horse can be led to water, it's quite another to make it drink, of course... 

from this site

5 songs #8

covered

nuf said...

{to play click on titles}

* cast no shadow - keane 

band that's pretty far away removed from oasis, 

covering a wonderful song... 

* don't look back in anger - killers

* wonderwall - ed sheeran

there's about 5.5 million versions of this song 

on youtube... this one i like...

* helter skelter - oasis {cover beatles}

the band themselves covering a song by the band 

they've been compared to so often... 

as raw and hard as the boys themselves 

never managed... 

* don't look back in anger - oasis (live, goosebumps...}

song is sung by the crowd, basically... 

wonderful touching version of classic

*

story spooks

there are days, weeks sometimes, that i feel consumed by an inexplicable urge to write... uncontrollable as well... as if some inner force is making me write prose - pages and pages of it - and the characters and situations just appear on my screen, as if magicked there...

i have no idea how it works, and i'm not going to figure it out either, but it's very strange... at the moment, for instance, i have to write this multi-chaptered story on a fanfiction site, read {and re-read} by fellow fans, commented on {occasionally} and apparently appreciated. as if i have no choice, and that's what it feels like: i have no choice... scenarios form in my brain, slipped in by story-demons, and when i reckon i can't go any further, in pops another plot-twist... at the moment i'm on 35.000 {!!} words...

there's another book trying to brew in my head, beginnings of story that will slowly form, and although i know it won't be read by as many people that read my fanfiction stories, i know it will happen again... i have no control over it... and that's fine with me...

new friends

wow, that's going well...

it appears that i've got a case of blog-writer's block...

story-writing is going like the clappers, 

whereas here...

some pics, of our new little friend.

he's called Winnie {but Winston on Sunday's...}

the only way the kids could agree...

5 songs #7

advice given by other half: songs about walking...

1. walking on the moon - the police

2. walk on by - the stranglers
{fun and brilliant version of oldie by dionne warwick}

3. walk this way - aerosmith w/run dmc
{back from the days that i liked this, 25 years ago...}

4. walk out to winter - aztec camera

5. walking on guilded splinters - paul weller
{original by humble pie, but this one is nicer, and by paul weller... easy peasy...}

feelings

get in touch with your feelings...

advice i was given a while back that sounded like the simplest thing on the planet, but proved to be so incredibly difficult...
it should be easy - you feel stuff, and you recognise it, and he presto - you're in touch with your feelings...
only, it doesn't quite work that way, does it?

because from as young as this process started, we learn to hide certain feelings, the 'bad' ones, pretend they're not there, we cover them with heaps of shame and mistrust.

our carers were scared of them, punished us for showing them, and nobody wants disapproval, especially from those who care for us, so without being conscious of doing so, we learn ways of hiding our true feelings, about people, about situations, about whatever it is that we learn is wrong, and now that we're adults, and learn that suppressing or hiding feelings is probably the main cause for us having ailments, and that we should learn to accept all that we really feel, where the hell do we start?!

there's plenty we can do, actually...
there's plenty that can make us feel happy, which is what we want to feel, so that's what we grab first, and easiest...
but what about those feelings of sadness, of anger, of fear and frustration, of lust and desire?
how do we get there, when we really don't want to feel them?

mine is music... and films... but music is the strongest... some bands, some singers, have the key to my heart, if feels... it unlocks, and all sorts of stuff comes pouring out, in the form of energy or tears, of silent retreat... and it feels fantastic...
a bit at the time, and having done so for a few years now, i feel i'm getting somewhere...
i know how to get in touch with my feelings, to accept them, to embrace them, to know that they're a part of me, and now to move on...
hopefully...

some music that has unleashed my passion, anger, sadness...

changez...

as from Februari, i'm doing a trial run with writing stuff in english... just feels right... no other reason... no idea if i'll carry it on, might get bored with it again, just like everything else...

have a groovy sunday...

{deze gaat dus voorlopig over in het Engels... er is genoeg te lezen voor wie geen Engels spreekt... :-)

fijne dag nog!!}

5 songs #6

because not listened to them nearly enough:

an r.e.m. special

you can hear the songs by clicking on the titles

{apologies for poss. f*cking annoying adverts}

1. daysleeper

2. bittersweet me

3. crush with eyeliner

4. fall on me

5. begin the begin {w/Eddie Vedder...}

wednesday things

mood :: doubtful,
yet okay

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colour :: purple, with a hint of orange

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would like to :: get blown about by the wind on a beach,
orAntwerp

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smell :: chocolate

{green & black's fruit&nut}

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song :: i am mine - pearl jam

i know i was born, 

and i know that i'll die,

inbetween is mine

i - am - mine

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tv :: pointless

bbc1

{already saw a german version
silly quiz
where you need to get
as little points as pos
during dinner time
yes, very bad
but hey, who cares...}

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film :: uh...

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website :: ecowijs

thanx to a tip of a facebook-friend
lots of useful tips

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quote:

5 songs #5

just about every time i go Antwerp, i'm left feeling like the frustrated art school student i never was, and spend days wondering what it'd been like, if i hadn't given into the many fears back then...

songs that take me back to those days
- to be listened to by clicking on titles -
{apologies for annoying ads...}

1. she cries your name - beth orton

2. velouria - pixies

3. fools gold - stone roses

4. never going back again - fleetwood mac

5. piece of my heart - janis joplin