feelings

get in touch with your feelings...

advice i was given a while back that sounded like the simplest thing on the planet, but proved to be so incredibly difficult...
it should be easy - you feel stuff, and you recognise it, and he presto - you're in touch with your feelings...
only, it doesn't quite work that way, does it?

because from as young as this process started, we learn to hide certain feelings, the 'bad' ones, pretend they're not there, we cover them with heaps of shame and mistrust.

our carers were scared of them, punished us for showing them, and nobody wants disapproval, especially from those who care for us, so without being conscious of doing so, we learn ways of hiding our true feelings, about people, about situations, about whatever it is that we learn is wrong, and now that we're adults, and learn that suppressing or hiding feelings is probably the main cause for us having ailments, and that we should learn to accept all that we really feel, where the hell do we start?!

there's plenty we can do, actually...
there's plenty that can make us feel happy, which is what we want to feel, so that's what we grab first, and easiest...
but what about those feelings of sadness, of anger, of fear and frustration, of lust and desire?
how do we get there, when we really don't want to feel them?

mine is music... and films... but music is the strongest... some bands, some singers, have the key to my heart, if feels... it unlocks, and all sorts of stuff comes pouring out, in the form of energy or tears, of silent retreat... and it feels fantastic...
a bit at the time, and having done so for a few years now, i feel i'm getting somewhere...
i know how to get in touch with my feelings, to accept them, to embrace them, to know that they're a part of me, and now to move on...
hopefully...

some music that has unleashed my passion, anger, sadness...